Making Do for a Merry Christmas

I love this photo. It is the box cover of the puzzle my children received last Christmas. It was fun for everyone to put this together over the week of Christmas vacation. Its been a tradition for the past several years which we have all enjoyed. This year there is no new puzzle coming.

I started to send Christmas cards. If you got one, I'm so happy.
If not, my over-filled brain is to blame. At some point I forgot who I sent cards to, and everything came to a grinding halt in the card department, and I just had to move on in the details of all that must be done before one moves.

. . . and that's the main point. Our house sold in less than 2 weeks. We still had showings for 5 days afterwards while the counter-offers, etc. went back and forth. So glad that is over. The inspections are over, the appraiser came by, the surveyor was by today (that was a surprise) and I think we're on track to close the 13th of Jan. I know we are blessed to sell in this market at this time of year!

Recently Mike's current company received more projects and asked if they could do anything to keep him here. His answer, "I sold my house already, no turning back now."

BigBuddy is home from college, happy and adding much joy into our home. Cowgirl is flying in on Friday. We can't wait! We'll all be making a road trip to Colorado Springs, putting us somewhere in the middle of the country for New Year's Eve. Still waiting to check on weather and when the moving truck actually leaves to finalize my plans, but the general consensus is we'll be out of our house by the 30th of Dec.

I thought I was pretty organized, but as usual, things are happening quickly, and of course some unexpected bumps have presented themselves. . . .

LittleBuddy has had a 101.9 fever for the past three days. Even though his ears hurt, the doctor says nothing is wrong . . . UGH! So, he's miserable, and we're all taking turns cuddling with him and bringing him cool compresses. Poor guy! He's having to miss his last week of school, giving him no chance to really say good-bye to his friends. I feel so bad for him. I went to clean out his locker this morning and wished this week could be different. As he sits next to me on the sofa watching Disney channel, I'm writing this.

And, MyGirl is having minor surgery today on her tongue. Our dentist noticed at her cleaning that she can't reach her tongue to the top of her mouth, something I asked doctors about when she was one because her sister's tongue needed to be clipped also. Well, no one caught it until this week. So, today is the day the underside is getting clipped. I'm kicking myself for not being more insistent when she was younger. Poor girl! She's going to be miserable for the next two days. I hope she'll feel better by Christmas morning. She's starting to have misgivings about moving too - so much unknown. This won't help her anxiety levels, but we're praying she'll get through it as easily as possible.

The unknown is always hard. I find myself knowing it will be okay, but still feeling sad at what I'm leaving. It hits like waves. There has been a lot of loss this year, but I have to remind myself that there is an eternal plan, and I just need to stay focused on it! To my friends in Maryland - I love you! I am a better person because of what you have taught me and how you have served me and my family. Thank you for all you've done!

As would be expected when two days after Christmas the packers come, modifications have been made to our life. The theme of simplification once again brings what we value most to the surface, and everything else is weighted down in the "not really needed." The traditions we have had were important in increasing the love of our family, and I don't regret that we've done them one bit, but they're not needed this year.

There has been no:
countdown to Christmas
decorations all over the house
personal ornaments on the tree
stockings hung by the mantel with care
no star on the tree either
all my nativities set out
baked goods going out to all the neighbors
homemade gifts for our family
parties planned

Instead, there are 3 nativities out, lights on the tree, and a few silver stars, garland on the stair rail, and a wreath - that's it. I'm sending the neighbors cards. Any baking I do will be consumed by my own family. I think we may be selecting personal socks to put on the sofa.

We have a hymn book to sing carols, we have a Bible to read the story of the nativity and we have each other. We have some presents under the tree. In the end, that's all that's needed for Christmas.

Wherever you are, I hope that whatever you have sacrificed in the name of keeping life simpler and making life work for you will remind you that the Lord of all was born into a non-decorated manger, with no gifts arriving for quite a while, and the food served that night was probably not much more than bread and dates, maybe some dried fish, and it was all okay. It was better than okay, because the Savior of the World was born. And, everything good that He did will bless us all forever. So, with that perspective, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Blessings for a peaceful and sweet Christmas with those you love!

Carolyn

Going, Going . . .

Almost gone.

The beautiful fall leaves are already gone.
That's not what I'm referring to.

The house is under contract, which means WE are almost gone.

We've had a good life here. So many blessings have come - good friends, good neighborhood, good job, good ward, good opportunities, good home. Then the job changed, and when that changes, everything changes.

Everything is falling into place. All my prayers were answered. I wanted to be able to put up Christmas decorations. I wanted our family not to be separated. I wanted us to drive all together across the country. I wanted to be in the same time zone as all my children. I wanted the opportunity to get to see the older children and our extended families more often. I wanted to not have to keep my home realtor ready every minute. I wanted to be able to spend more time with my friends. I wanted to eliminate the worry of "will my house sell?"

And, it did. In two weeks, it's over. We signed the papers this morning. We worked hard to stage it and get it ready, but really I have to give all the credit to the Lord. Who buys houses in December??? Seriously!

I thought of going now to find a new one next week. Mike wanted me to go pick one without him, but I can't do that. I want it to be our mutual decision, that we both see and feel good about. And so we'll wait until January. It'll be okay. We moved here having no idea either, and it all worked out. It will work again.

Still, on the way to sign the papers, I shed a few tears.

I couldn't talk. I looked at all the trees on the side of the road. I thought of all my friends that live in Maryland. I thought of the many memories made in my home. I am going to miss all of these things. I am going to miss them a LOT! I have a lot to give up for a lot of unknown.

Yet, we keep feeling the pull to go, and so we are going. Its hard to explain the Spirit, but its unmistakable when its so obvious. I know others prayed for us too, and I'm grateful for all of them. We know that the Lord has a place in mind for us and that it will all work out eventually, so we have prepared and waited. Apparently, now its time.

It's going to be an adventure. We'll be living in a hotel for the first few weeks and that's as far as I know.

This is coming fast.

Almost gone.

It's Happening

The day has finally arrived. . . our house is on the market!

Last week Mike and I headed to Colorado Springs for a 4th interview with Colorado Engineering. When we returned we had an offer in our hand, and felt that we should take it. That led to two days of taking care of all the little details that we hadn't yet on our house, (after starting three months ago, with a six week break in between) and accepting the offer. Today our realtor came over, pictures were taken, papers were signed and now we have an MLS number. If you've been in our home before, you will see some big changes. However, it feels good. I've been feeling less need for Stuff and this is it!

In the middle of the blessing of getting a new job closer to our families out West there are major things happening where we live to the people we love here too. One thing after another has been happening to the sisters I visit teach, family friends, . . . hard, life-altering trials involving health. How can I leave my friends NOW??? It seems so wrong to leave in the middle of it all. And, yet, in my family, I am the wife and mother and must go where I am required and needed most. I just pray I can be useful while I'm still here. My grandpa wrote a poem about the givers and the takers. I often think about that choice, and hope when all is said and done I can be found on the giving side.

A Retrospective

If I was a really good blogger, I'd save these for one per day so there'd be a reason to come back, but you already know I'm not. I share these with you to catch you up on the going-ons of our family captured in two pages per event. I can't explain why I photograph some as two pages together, and some individually. . . no real plan there.
I use papers from lots of companies, but mostly Close To My Heart. I have no preference if a product is retired or current, and I love to mix and match companies within the same pages too. I haven't been too good about sharing throughout the year, so this is my retrospective of my year.




These photos weren't taken by me, but by her Stake YW President. They were on display at YW in Excellence, and I was grateful she sent me digital copies so I could cherish and remember them.










Most of these pages were created over the summer, with just a couple being in the last month. The other night MyGirl wanted to find pictures of her Halloween costumes from former years. How grateful I was to make that so easy and what a treasure my books were to me and her. I loved hearing her say, "Oh, I really loved that costume," or "That wasn't my favorite." For good or for bad, they are my family history.

Apparently October was Family History Month, whether in our stake or the whole church or something else, I don't know, but I saw a flyer for it, and I felt guilt free, and encouraged to make a couple more pages.

Happy Halloween!

It used to be that I had Halloween costumes planned by early October. Somehow as the children have gotten older I have gotten out of that mindset, I think assuming that if we talked about it early on it would be sufficient to execute on the day of. . . what was I thinking?

Our ward's Trunk or Treat was last night. In the morning, MyGirl declared she was going to be a black cat like she was when Cowgirl was with her two years ago. However, in all our decluttering, apparently the ears and tail were part of the "donations," so around 2pm she decided to be a Nestle Crunch bar. We had to be out of the house at 6 and I didn't have Little Buddy's outfit completely done yet either, though I had found the hat which he couldn't. So, its not great, but that's what an unwillingness to go to the store, and buy something you already donated costs when you're short on time. In the end, though, she won an award, so she was happy - "Most Crunchiest."



Originally wanting to be a spy wearing all back and a ski mask to cover his head, he changed into an FBI agent, when we realized we already had a hat, a T-shirt and a lanyard with "FBI" written on them. The Cricut came in handy to create the letters for the back of his sweat jacket, and yes, I realized the F was a little crooked, but since he proceeded to lie down on the sofa following his photo shoot, and they became all wrinkly and ripped, I made another set, and they looked fine. Another friend was also an agent, only wearing shorts, and did I feel sorry for him. It was so cold last night, I had a quilt over my lap to hand out the candy, which saved me.

Finally, since Cowgirl keeps asking me to show her the new kitchen countertops, here we are-
Faux Granite for about 15% of the price of real granite.

Easy Recipes

Of course it would be nice if I had pictures, but I don't.

Instead, I have Super Easy recipes that taste really good, so I thought I'd share.

Easy Cheesy Enchiladas

1 can Costco chicken breast
1 can chopped green chilies (4 oz.)
1/2 small yellow onion, diced - keep it raw
Monterrey Jack Cheese - about 1 1/2 cups, grated
(I used sliced from the Costco multi-cheese pack and just grated it, holding it all together)
1 pkg. flour tortillas (I used 8 out of the 10 pack)
1 can (15 oz.) tomato sauce
1 tsp. chili powder

Pour 1/3 can of tomato sauce in the bottom of a glass 9 x 13 pan.
Shake a little of your chili powder over it.
Mix the chicken, chilies, onion, and cheese.
Spoon into the center of the tortillas and roll them up and place into the glass pan.
Pour the remainder of the chili powder into the can of tomato sauce. Stir with a spoon then pour the rest of that tomato sauce over the rolled tortillas. Cover with foil and place in your refrigerator for 3 hours.
(I had a doctor's appt. and wanted them ready to bake when I got home, but I think I'm going to do this before church on Sunday too.)
Take out, remove the foil and bake at 350 for 25 -30 minutes. (Peek inside and see if the cheese is bubbing, then its done.)

This took about five minutes to put together and MyMike LOVED these - It's a keeper!
Sad news for me, though, I'm trying to be dairy free this month, so I had leftover chili and listened to the raves. Then I had to try one bite, and it was really good so if you're up with cheese, try this:-)

Italian Flat Bread

I got this recipe from my sister-in-law, Rebecca, at Thanksgiving last year. I've adapted it a bit and highly recommend it!

In a bowl combine
1 cup white flour
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. sugar
one packet quick-rise yeast
1 c. very warm water
1 T. olive oil

Knead 1-2 minutes. Let rise in bowl for 20 minutes. Pat into a circular shape on a lightly greased round pizza stone.
Season with salt, garlic powder, oregano and thyme all over. Drizzle olive oil lightly over everything. Sprinkle half with grated parmesan cheese. Bake at 450 for 15 min. When it comes out, use your pizza cutter to slice into triangle wedges and serve. My children love this! Me too!
(Rebecca's version had Italian dressing brushed across the dough before adding the seasonings and cheese across the whole thing. It was really good, but its good without it too. Try it either way.)

And, my new favorite breakfast:

Autumn Spice Granola -
Adapted form Myra's blog - Happy Housewife Loving Life
I'm making my second batch tomorrow.

3 1/2 cups old fashioned oats
1/2 cup ground flax
1/2 cup raw sunflower seeds
1 T. cinnamon plus 1/2 teaspoon
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup pure maple syrup
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1/8 cup unsweetened apple sauce
2 tsp. vanilla
3/4 cup raisins

Combine dry ingredients in a large bowl. Mix liquid ingredients and pour over the dry. Stir until well coated. Pour it into 1 10 x 15 sheet pan lined with a silpat. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Take out and stir it all around the bake it for another 10-15 minutes until evenly browned. (Keep your eye on it the last few minutes.) Cool and store in an airtight container and Enjoy!
This tastes like Fall in every spoonful!

Bon Appetit!

Stuff

The Lord is good to me. He's given me another opportunity to push the pause button in my life and rest. In my stillness, the Lord has been talking to me about STUFF. As I look around my house (and especially down in my basement,) I've realized I don't need as much as I have. I am proving the tithing blessings, that "there shall not be room enough to receive it." (Malachi 3:10)



As General Conference comes around once more and I think back to the messages over the years, "Reduce and Simplify" is one that I cannot forget. I am grateful that regularly the Lord nudges me in the right direction, and I am eagerly looking forward to tomorrow's messages. I am so easily distracted by the "stuff" of my world. Part of the stress I was feeling in August was due to stuff. I NEED to heed more carefully the words of living prophets!



All week long in my scripture study I have been returning to "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust doth corrupt, ... but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven... for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also... ye cannot serve God and mammon." (3 Nephi 13:19-24) As I read this, it is a commandment coming directly from the Savior. To see the hypocrisy within myself is painful, admittedly. At the same time, "the truth shall make you free."



Then I read this account of a family who is choosing to serve a mission in Haiti for their church. As the mother talked about what she was learning from her "stuff," it resonated loudly within me. I am grateful I found it. Time for me to make more changes within!

http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/2010/08/when-heaven-speaks-through-little-girl.html



And then in the same chapter of 3 Nephi or Matthew 6, I read,
"Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin...Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith.... Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself." Amen.

Guess Who?

BigBuddy is now a college student. It was a great opportunity for all of us to spend the day at BYU-Idaho. It is a beautiful campus and we really felt that this was the best place for our son to be at this time. He calls me everyday to tell me something or to ask how to do something so I'm finding the adjustment quite easy. He's growing up, he's learning great things, he's figuring out what everyone has to when they branch out on their own, he's reading a LOT and staying up too late . Oh, the memories of college days - good ones they were for me!

Mr. Bison who suddenly appeared when a truck took a right turn on the main road in front of us in Yellowstone National Park. He surprised us being just on the other side where the truck was. He was literally as big as our car. Later in the week I had buffalo with mushrooms and onions for dinner at Maddox - leaner than regular beef, but quite tasty.
Old Faithful, of course . . . wouldn't be a trip here without the requisite visit!
What a surprise to actually see Sheri Dew at the store she's CEO of in downtown Salt Lake.
And, who is that talking to Renee?
(Taking a picture of him when he's listening and not looking directly at me!) Yes, it was President Monson, who happened to visit Deseret Book at the same time we did. Touring the display to promote his new autobiography, we shook his hand, got to speak with him and heard him comment on the DVD of his life. We ended up spending more than hour with him, just feet away from him most of the time - WHAT AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE!!!
Why are my girls so happy? He turned back to them, after shaking their hands, and moving to the family next to us, and said, "You girls will get married in the temple someday." Not as a question, but as a statement of fact. Guess who's mother had tears streaming down her face as the group that had gathered suddenly broke into "We Thank Thee Oh God For A Prophet." Really, this was the highlight of the trip!!!
Grandparents who loved and hosted us and made us wish we lived a lot closer.
We played Rook, Farkle, Rummikub and Uno, made homemade Reese's and zucchini bread, watched some tennis, shopped, ate out, rode the train, visited the aviary, went to the water park, played miniature golf, were part of the audience of Music and the Spoken Word, where we met Elder Richard G. Scott also, went to a cook out, and heard my dad bear his testimony in church. . . all memories to treasure.
Cowgirl loving spending time with her family. We loved our time with her too. We got to see her apartment she's decorated so darling and spent almost nine days with her. She is generous and loving and surpassed her mother at Scrabble. She makes us laugh and think and be on time. It always makes me sad when we have to say good-bye again. I want her to live next door and pop on over every day!
Guess who's having a hard time now that we're back?
It's hard to be far away. We're grateful for the opportunities we get to be together with our family out West, though it never lasts long enough. MyMike spent his spare time checking for local jobs on my dad's computer. Maybe someday we can live close by them again. For now, we're back East, smaller in number than we used to be, but already keeping the phone lines burning. Thank goodness for cell phones!

The End is Near

BigBuddy leaves this week for college.

Today I was released from my calling - didn't take many pictures is my only regret. I love those sisters dearly and love never ends, so I'll be okay. However, there are still issues that I am quite concerned about, and so I will serve them, just not with the same authority, but with the same heart.

Until, and if I move, but I'm not going there yet!

Almost time to see my Cowgirl and my mom and dad. Miss them so much!

Meanwhile, lot of changes have been going on, anticipating an end sometime ????

The stickers are off MyGirl's walls.



Tomorrow my living room sofa will soon be out of my dining room, where its currently tipped on its side. And, by the end of the day the dining room table should no longer be the depository for the kitchen counters and the rest of the house.


Only one room left to paint before the carpet gets laid.



Summer is officially over - school starts tomorrow, and my baby won't be going to elementary school anymore! And his brother won't even be living in this state. And his best friend won't stop by to chat with me too.



My living room is now the music room. The rug goes in front of the front door, but we moved it into the music room when we were carrying open buckets of paint up the stairs.

The stress has been over since three days after I wrote the last post, lest anyone worried about me. Making a good choice always beats getting worn out by not consciously making a choice. I just needed to remind myself of my options.

The best part of today was when BigBuddy came home tonight and started talking to me and didn't stop for over an hour. Then, he paused and said, I guess I really like to talk. . . this from the former 4-1/2 month old who had to be taken out of church not for crying but for babbling and talking pretty much every week until he was six years old. He's always had plenty to say and as he's become a teenager, listening to him has become one of the great joys of my life.
How grateful I am for his words, and how much I will miss them! He promises he'll call me at least once a week. I hope I can make it that long. I will miss nights like this, sharing his hopes and dreams, what he's learned and how he's figuring out growing up, girls and buddies, and faith and testimony! Wish I could just bottle it all up.

Stress is a Choice

Note to self -
You already know this.

Choose not to be stressed.
Choose to take time to be calm when you can see stress on the horizon.
Choose to go pick up the scriptures and say a prayer instead of let a thousand ideas/worries flood your mind and keep you from sleeping.
Choose to say to yourself - Oh Well, when its beyond your control, and then throw that thought over your shoulder.
Choose to not make any excuses for yourself about why you can't handle . . . and then just deal with a small piece at a time, trusting the Lord doesn't ask you to run faster than you have strength, and He means it.
Choose to do something good for someone else to keep a decent perspective - It's Not All About You And Your Life!
Choose to have a plan and follow it, and when circumstances {others} derail your plan, choose to not be unhappy inside and embrace the new opportunities, and know that tomorrow is a new day to start again.
Choose to remember that you pass on character traits to your children so if you don't want them to be stressed, you shouldn't be that way either.
Choose to practice good health habits which will keep your energy up and able to accomplish what is needed without needing a "sugar high" or a "chocolate fix."

Got it???
Now DO IT!

P.S.
Reread this regularly as needed!

Opposition

What a week!?!

Was sick, got better.
Missed church last Sunday, went to the church six times in the past four days.
Three social events in the evenings, stressful shopping trips in the mornings.
Hot flashes, looking for blankets to warm me up.
Been exasperating to some, been tested in patience with others.
Ached for another's pain, rejoiced in another's bliss.
Researched a new city, Mike turned down a job offer.
Said the right thing, said the wrong thing.
Slept the day away, crammed as much into a 24 hour time period as possible.
Bought a lot of things, returned a lot of things.
Cleaned the house immaculately, apologized for the sorry state of my house.
Made appointments, missed an appointment.
Felt incredibly sore, relaxed by the pool (one evening).
Listened a lot, chatted a lot.
Prayed earnestly, worried needlessly.
Served a "make this again" dinner it is SOOO GOOD, threw a recipe away.
Created meaningfully, discarded carelessly.
Was a patient, was a nurse.
Cried randomly, laughed effortlessly.
Tore off wallpaper, and wondered what I was thinking in the first place when I put it up!

It's just been one of those weeks. It took me all weekend to even put these few thoughts down.
Opposition in all things.

Some opposites I love - day and night, black and white, salt and pepper, male and female
Others I resist - life and death, ease and trials, sickness and health

Tonight I'm just grateful to be able to look back and say, I made it through it all. I often wonder, what will my children remember about This week or this day? Is it just part of the blending in of one's life? And if so, then how are we growing? Where is the progress? Did my actions or my words make a difference? If its just a regular week then it will have been filled with all kinds of highs and lows, and opposition, and my inevitable mess-ups, but they won't really remember much about them next month or next year or in a decade. And, how merciful is that!

On the other hand, don't I want them to remember and savor and treasure each and every day? Of course, and yet I can already look at this summer and summarize with only two weeks left, we had a little fun, Mike was bored until he was really busy, and throughout all this Amy got worse and passed. The boys did a lot together when Steven wasn't working, and Renee babysat and played games and I continued my Relief Society work and we all worked together to majorly declutter and fix up the house with more work to go. Nothing exciting or great, just our real life.

But what will make this year's summer stand out as one I will always remember with great joy is that each one of my children has grown closer to the Lord this summer. What more could I ask for? Nothing. And so, if this is the price - opposition and challenges and heartache and even some teenage attitude and neck pain, then let it be so. Far be it from me to alter the plan of God to bring us back to Him, opposition and all.

Unwinding

This is a framed picture given to MyMike when he left his job in Colorado. That's how we ended up here. Why did Mike want to throw it out last week? He might be getting a new one here. How many "best of luck" signed mats can you have in your basement? Mike's decided even if the current job he's interviewing for doesn't work out, we're moving back West. My East Coast adventure is coming to an end.

The last ten days have been among the most exhausting in my life. Packed every minute and filled with great sadness and great happiness. How can I have two dear friends, one having her funeral and another having her baby all a day apart? How can I be so happy to be moving closer to my family and away from my friends, that have served as my sisters in the best sense of the word? I don't know. This week I've just been going through the motions of everything that had to be done. I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about these things, but in my downtime today, I realized its all coming to an end too quickly. It feels like an eternity ago I sat at Amy's bedside and prayed for her to be free from pain. Today she was buried.

More than once this week Mike and I have looked at each other and said, We're just going to sit here and do nothing. We're not going to move. We're not ever going to get off this couch again. We're just going to collapse and put our minds at rest. Then about ten minutes later, the phone rings or the clock tells us its time to go, and we get up and keep going.

So much has been good and sweet. These are the memories I want to keep -

Amy was close to her dad for a reason. They had great hearts. He is a special man. He and I had several good talks this week. I am grateful to have shared those with him.

At Amy's viewing David told me the tribute I had written about her was the greatest gift I could have given him and that I captured her very essence. I felt grateful for the power of words to convey feelings and memories so very dear to my heart. The poem he read at her funeral, "The Hanging of the Crane" he shared with me several years ago, when he was worried about Amy's health and we were all sharing our love for Longfellow. This week at her funeral it took on greater meaning and I realized words were immensely helpful in my own healing this week, as I wrote and spoke and heard them.

The musical numbers at her funeral were so beautiful, performed by her neices and sister-in-law. I will always treasure those as Amy's Music - Come Ye Disconsolate and Largo by Dvorak. I also sang in my head, "God Be With You til We Meet Again," in my head for the entire day before the funeral. It just kept coming to my mind, and I realized how strongly I believe it and how grateful I am for that knowledge.

I was thrilled to get the text, "My water broke. On the way to the hospital." It also surprised me to receive the news that way. It was a first. My kids and I spent an hour in the Apple store this week and I marveled at all the smart technology and yet how no one person can create the perfection of a newborn baby. When I read 2 Nephi 11:4 the next day I felt humbled to be reminded that there is purpose to every creation and it is to bear record of the Son of God. If I don't use this technology for His purposes, then why have it? To share the good news of a new child coming to earth so fresh from Him - with the goal to return back to him - made me realize the real purpose of life hasn't changed from the 1st century to the 21st, just the means of communication.

MyBigBoy turned 18 in the middle of my most hectic week. Somehow I managed to make his card and cook him breakfast and make a special dinner though I know it was all coming together at the last minute, and not the more organized way I prefer. I was grateful for the inspiration to hold his party so much earlier and the way the Lord helped me use time efficiently all week long. He went hiking with his brother while I worked hard at home, getting caught up after a week of too much busyness, and more soon to come. He didn't complain and the next afternoon we were able to work on his college schedule again and get a class that had been full last week. He continues to be blessed. He received the Melchizedek priesthood on his birthday day also, by the hands of his father, his stake president, Pres. Mitchell, and his dear friend's father, Bro. Knudson and another friend, Bro. Zundel. Myboy is a son the Lord is pleased with and so am I. I thought no tears were left inside me, but still they came.

We spent the final days of the week with teenage boys in our home and car, driving a lot, but also sharing and eating and laughing and getting to know each other better. It was fun and sweet and I appreciated the opportunity to get to see things from their perspective. These boys didn't know each other well, but I watched them watch out for one another and be so supportive and share. They learned good things at their Youth Conference and I was reminded just how much I do like teenagers.

I also sent my two sons off on a final campout together, knowing they were making memories too. In the process of getting them ready for that, I found a college dorm kit on sale. Amy and I loved finding deals unexpectedly. Its even more fun than hunting for deals. She was the queen of bargain shopping. I'll never forget the designer dress we found for Cowgirl's Pioneer Trek for $4, thanks to Amy's suggestion of where to shop. The boys needed no designer duds, just extra socks for all the water fun they were bound to have and did.

Then there was the anxiety of an interview and the excitement when it had gone well and now the possibility of a new family adventure. Yet, we still don't know for sure, so we proceed forward "as if" and continue to pray for the best. I had a good chat with out the new bishop this week also, and was grateful to have it confirmed to me that he is the one to be here at this time and he will be wonderful. Moving brings an inevitable heartache and so I don't look at it closely. Its in my peripheral vision. I know its coming but I can't focus on it now . . . too much to do. . .

Until today, when I have finally been able to rest again and delight that tomorrow is a whole day of rest. Its my favorite of every week. This time I will truly savor it, and feel especially grateful for a Savior who provided the resurrection and Atonement and all the hope they offer. He also is a master healer. This week he took my broken heart and my insanely busy life and though tired, I was able to run and not be weary, walk and not faint. He keeps all His promises. I look forward to recommitting my promises to Him tomorrow too.

Amy

Amy died yesterday morning. I was home hosting a bridal shower. Oh, the irony. I got the call when I was across the street at Costco, afterwards, realizing once again we were out of milk. Not a good place to get news like that. Fortunately, I had just paid and could hand the recipt and cart to my son and walk out with my sunglasses on, trying to control the sobs that came so easily once I was in the car. I knew it was coming. I had taken a 20 minute nap after the shower. I was planning on going to the hospital next. I just wanted to make sure the kids wouldn't starve while I was out, as cold cereal is the food of choice when its hot and mom's not home to make something good. I thought I had a few more days, perhaps. I hoped. I don't know why. I knew when I said good-bye on Wed. it was probably my last time. I KNOW she is happier now than she has been in the last 3 months and probably feels pain-free for the first time in twenty years. I'm just going to miss her the rest of my days. I looked at our Vienna scrapbook last night. Mike thought it would make me cry. It made me smile big. There is Amy, in my favorite picture of her, as we had just gotten off the train in Vienna. Her arms are outstretched wide, ready and eager to take on our adventure, the excitement showing clearly on her face. I'm picturing her arms open wide again, greeting her grandmothers and ready for the next phase of her journey. I just pray I'll find her when I get there someday. Like I did in this life, I'll be looking for her to point me the right way. Until then, I'll never forget her. Forever she will remain in my heart.

Pianist needed

A funny thing happened. Earlier this evening I posted a message from our Primary on my personal blog instead of the Relief Society blog. Then it occurred to me a little later that was too easy, and then I saw why. . . wrong blog! Big woops!

Last weekend I scrapbooked my son's 18th birthday which was a surprise party that I threw for him on Thursday night. Technically he has another week before he's 18.

Here is his face right after all his friends yelled, "Surprise!" He loved it and was surprised. The key to pulling it off? Don't tell anyone until two days before. Yes, this was the most last-minute party ever, but it worked. I knew for over 2 months I needed to do this when he pointed out that his two sisters had both had big surprises for their birthdays before, but not him. Fortunately, he set it all up for me by telling me "the guys" were coming over to watch a favorite TV show and could I order pizzas? All I had to do was invite the girls, buy cake and ice cream, cut up a big watermelon and buy sodas and M&M's. I even had the girls tell the boys it was a surprise, and they all carried it out well!

I love his friends. I taught most of them in Sunday School when they were 14 and 15. What a blessing in his life.

Tonight I'm up because I just can't sleep. My friend, Amy, has had stroke 7, and this time I don't think she's coming out of it. I spent most of today with her though she was unresponsive. When I kissed her forehead good-bye, I knew it might be the last time. She's not breathing on her own. What to say but I love you, and Thank you for being my friend and brush away the tears. I don't have any pictures of her in the last two years. I don't know why, but I do have some from the last twelve. I have a whole scrapbook of our trip together to Vienna. She, like myMike and MyGirl don't really like their pictures taken. She would always say, I don't look like the real me, as her acromagly robbed her of her true self, but I never knew any different, so it didn't matter to me. I need to ignore that request from everyone from now on. I certainly do not have Enough. It was a hard day. My tears were for myself and those left who love her most. It was sad to see her shake with internal pain or to touch her feverish skin and not be able to cool her enough, though we tried.

Amy became my friend pretty quickly. I used to visit teach her. One time she mentioned how much her husband liked Beethoven, and I said, Mine too. We'll have to all get together. We did, and I still remember the first time they came to our house, sitting on our green sofa, she and David holding hands like newlyweds. We found ourselves laughing and talking and they begged me to play some Debussy and Mike some Beethoven. After that, everything else just flowed and we've never looked back. Amy and I were hard pressed to ever have a conversation that was less than an hour. Sometimes we'd have to schedule lunch just to guarantee we'd have enough time to really talk. Right now I miss her voice. I miss picking up the phone and hearing, "CAROLYNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" booming over the line. How do you not love someone who is THAT happy just to talk to you? I know she was like that with so many, it wasn't just me, but I loved her for it anyway. It used to be that I'd have to schedule her weekend evenings a month in advance, she was always hosting or visiting somewhere. She knew when something was wrong. One time after scrapbooking with the ladies, she called me the next day to find out what was up. I hadn't said anything, but she said "Something is up," and she was right.

She was so creative and so funny and so giving and so wise and so intuitive and so connected to my soul. We loved the same hymns, and spent one afternoon scrapbooking together, listening to the same one over and over, singing and harmonizing with it and loving it. We didn't have all the same interests but enough that being together was always interesting. I learned a lot about parenting and living with trials as I tried to emulate her. We liked the same foods so it made it easy to go to lunch and split the plate, saving our waistlines and our wallets, oohing and aahing over our excellent selection. We've cried and laughed, dreamed and traveled together, and made lots of memories. It was her idea to go camping at Rocky Gap when the cicadas emerged. How can I ever forget that? Or the day she called me up and told me when needed to take the children shark teeth hunting and we found one. There was also the time we sat on my back patio and cried at sad news, sipping our lemonades for a couple of hours or the Thanksgiving we played Dalmuti for 6 hours and were shocked at how fast that time flew! I'll miss her arm on my shoulder when she walked down my front steps to keep her balance and the excitement in her voice at whatever Benjamin's latest adventures were. I'll miss her big huge hugs and her way of making myMike always feel like the king of his castle. We shared sweet and sacred experiences, concerts at the Kennedy Center and laundry tips. But, mostly we just shared our hearts, and it is her great big heart that I will miss the most. She was real. She didn't live on pretense. She lived to give. Her dad told me today that her husband's family thinks she walks on water. She was the glue for them. She was a sparkling jewel in my life. I treasured her and enjoyed every minute with her. Her dad and I wished today that we could have her just five years more, but I think the Lord has other plans. And so, I will trust Him, even when the tears burst forth as I drive down the road, thinking of her. Or hear Andrea Bocceli sing #4 on the CD she gave me, because he sings it in Portugese, the language of her mission. She loved that experience and spoke of it frequently. I'm sure the next mission she serves she will be healthy and happy again and for that I'm grateful. Its been a long time since she hasn't physically hurt. Now my heart hurts saying good-bye.

Cards for the Troops

This is a sampling of the cards I made just before the 4th of July. I love to create. I didn't embellish them too much since I didn't know if the rules apply for sending bulky cards overseas like they do at the picky post-office which I use. They want an extra 20cents for each card, which I didn't want a soldier to have to cough up because I wanted to get fancy. Usually buttons are the bulkiest. The ribbon in a knot I feel questionable about. Hopefully it all works out. Printed a bunch of pictures early this morning. Hoping to scrapbook a few this weekend.