Hello Again

Hello Cowgirl, and all my other blog readers.
Cowgirl called me last night and told me that she checks Every day for a posting on my blog, and that I don't do them often enough.
Because I love her so, I am going to start writing more. I can't promise every day, but I will be better. I know I won't have pictures everyday, but you already expect that.

Today I am thinking about how we create confidence.

Yesterday was parent/teacher conferences with LittleBuddy's math and English teachers. They told me he's shy and just barely beginning to smile. Is this the same child I live with, I thought? But then I realized that he's a lot like his mother at that age, kind of shy, and slow to trust, until he gets to know you. MyGirl asked me yesterday on the way home from school if I was always confident as she still struggles connecting with kids her age. Oh, NO! I told her. For many years I felt insecure and always questioned whether what I was doing was good enough. Now my job is to help these children become more competent and confident adults. And even now I pause to question - can I do that job adequately enough?

We never know unless we try, so here's to trying!

What I have to remind myself is that most growth comes slow and gradually. I see it in hindsight - the blessings of being closer to 50 than 20. Looking back ten and thirty years I see enormous changes in so many things. Back in my college days I remember feeling like I was in a rut and not making enough growth. What I didn't see then was that the little things I was doing and learning and experiencing were accumulating inside me, giving me more confidence to try new things and step out of my comfort zones later. But, nothing prepared me more than actually being a mother. Confronting a doctor who wasn't taking my baby's cries seriously, when I knew inside something was wrong, or going visiting teaching to a woman who looked like a model and so did her home with an energetic two year old were all intimidating to me at first, but focusing on loving the woman instead of wallowing in my inadequacies, grew me, and I'm grateful for my experiences.

I learned that creating a confident me was only going to come by acting confident, whether I felt that way inside or not. Sometimes I just had to act the part and pray I didn't flounder miserably. But, the truth is, sometimes I have fallen flat on my face, so to speak, embarrassing myself or falling far from where my goal was. However, that's part of the humility of life, and we learn much quicker from our mistakes than our successes, especially how NOT to do "that" again. And, as I just kept trying, acting my part and ignoring the nay-saying-voices inside my head, I grew.

I have a new calling now - YW Secretary. I so enjoy girls that age, and look forward to getting to know them better. I also will have to make more growth here, as I am not particularly computer savvy. I'm going to be stretched again in good ways. I'll be creating calendars and sending out lists and working on the budget for the president. I am used to asking a competent secretary to help me out and now I need to be the competent one. These younger girls are so much better on the computer than I, I've said. Even MyMike said the other night, "I can see I'm probably going to need to help you do your calling," knowing my lack of skills this way. However, while I may use his help sometimes, I look forward to the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and learn some new things. I may fail in some aspects, but I do have the confidence now that I can grow. My experiences have taught me that.

I need to keep looking for opportunties to help my children grow more competent in their confidence. Not stepping in and speaking for them when I see they're hesitant, making sure to give them chances to meet new people and try new experiences that challenge them too. Moving has provided that in a big dose. They feel nervous, but they are doing it, - one hello and day at a time, and I need to trust that when its all said and done, that they will become more confident too.