Unwinding

This is a framed picture given to MyMike when he left his job in Colorado. That's how we ended up here. Why did Mike want to throw it out last week? He might be getting a new one here. How many "best of luck" signed mats can you have in your basement? Mike's decided even if the current job he's interviewing for doesn't work out, we're moving back West. My East Coast adventure is coming to an end.

The last ten days have been among the most exhausting in my life. Packed every minute and filled with great sadness and great happiness. How can I have two dear friends, one having her funeral and another having her baby all a day apart? How can I be so happy to be moving closer to my family and away from my friends, that have served as my sisters in the best sense of the word? I don't know. This week I've just been going through the motions of everything that had to be done. I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about these things, but in my downtime today, I realized its all coming to an end too quickly. It feels like an eternity ago I sat at Amy's bedside and prayed for her to be free from pain. Today she was buried.

More than once this week Mike and I have looked at each other and said, We're just going to sit here and do nothing. We're not going to move. We're not ever going to get off this couch again. We're just going to collapse and put our minds at rest. Then about ten minutes later, the phone rings or the clock tells us its time to go, and we get up and keep going.

So much has been good and sweet. These are the memories I want to keep -

Amy was close to her dad for a reason. They had great hearts. He is a special man. He and I had several good talks this week. I am grateful to have shared those with him.

At Amy's viewing David told me the tribute I had written about her was the greatest gift I could have given him and that I captured her very essence. I felt grateful for the power of words to convey feelings and memories so very dear to my heart. The poem he read at her funeral, "The Hanging of the Crane" he shared with me several years ago, when he was worried about Amy's health and we were all sharing our love for Longfellow. This week at her funeral it took on greater meaning and I realized words were immensely helpful in my own healing this week, as I wrote and spoke and heard them.

The musical numbers at her funeral were so beautiful, performed by her neices and sister-in-law. I will always treasure those as Amy's Music - Come Ye Disconsolate and Largo by Dvorak. I also sang in my head, "God Be With You til We Meet Again," in my head for the entire day before the funeral. It just kept coming to my mind, and I realized how strongly I believe it and how grateful I am for that knowledge.

I was thrilled to get the text, "My water broke. On the way to the hospital." It also surprised me to receive the news that way. It was a first. My kids and I spent an hour in the Apple store this week and I marveled at all the smart technology and yet how no one person can create the perfection of a newborn baby. When I read 2 Nephi 11:4 the next day I felt humbled to be reminded that there is purpose to every creation and it is to bear record of the Son of God. If I don't use this technology for His purposes, then why have it? To share the good news of a new child coming to earth so fresh from Him - with the goal to return back to him - made me realize the real purpose of life hasn't changed from the 1st century to the 21st, just the means of communication.

MyBigBoy turned 18 in the middle of my most hectic week. Somehow I managed to make his card and cook him breakfast and make a special dinner though I know it was all coming together at the last minute, and not the more organized way I prefer. I was grateful for the inspiration to hold his party so much earlier and the way the Lord helped me use time efficiently all week long. He went hiking with his brother while I worked hard at home, getting caught up after a week of too much busyness, and more soon to come. He didn't complain and the next afternoon we were able to work on his college schedule again and get a class that had been full last week. He continues to be blessed. He received the Melchizedek priesthood on his birthday day also, by the hands of his father, his stake president, Pres. Mitchell, and his dear friend's father, Bro. Knudson and another friend, Bro. Zundel. Myboy is a son the Lord is pleased with and so am I. I thought no tears were left inside me, but still they came.

We spent the final days of the week with teenage boys in our home and car, driving a lot, but also sharing and eating and laughing and getting to know each other better. It was fun and sweet and I appreciated the opportunity to get to see things from their perspective. These boys didn't know each other well, but I watched them watch out for one another and be so supportive and share. They learned good things at their Youth Conference and I was reminded just how much I do like teenagers.

I also sent my two sons off on a final campout together, knowing they were making memories too. In the process of getting them ready for that, I found a college dorm kit on sale. Amy and I loved finding deals unexpectedly. Its even more fun than hunting for deals. She was the queen of bargain shopping. I'll never forget the designer dress we found for Cowgirl's Pioneer Trek for $4, thanks to Amy's suggestion of where to shop. The boys needed no designer duds, just extra socks for all the water fun they were bound to have and did.

Then there was the anxiety of an interview and the excitement when it had gone well and now the possibility of a new family adventure. Yet, we still don't know for sure, so we proceed forward "as if" and continue to pray for the best. I had a good chat with out the new bishop this week also, and was grateful to have it confirmed to me that he is the one to be here at this time and he will be wonderful. Moving brings an inevitable heartache and so I don't look at it closely. Its in my peripheral vision. I know its coming but I can't focus on it now . . . too much to do. . .

Until today, when I have finally been able to rest again and delight that tomorrow is a whole day of rest. Its my favorite of every week. This time I will truly savor it, and feel especially grateful for a Savior who provided the resurrection and Atonement and all the hope they offer. He also is a master healer. This week he took my broken heart and my insanely busy life and though tired, I was able to run and not be weary, walk and not faint. He keeps all His promises. I look forward to recommitting my promises to Him tomorrow too.